Most parents have a very easy time seeing the best in their children. We recognize our children’s strengths. We understand and forgive any slip-ups. We know they tried their best.
It’s a lot harder to turn that same lens on ourselves. But during a divorce, the more positively you can see yourself, the better it will be for your children.
Children identify with their parents. We want our children to see themselves the way we see them – practically perfect in every way. But really, they will grow up to see themselves the way that we see ourselves – for better or for worse. They absorb our coping styles.
They do what we do, not what we say.
One of the most positive things you can do for your children during a divorce is to let any past mistakes stay in the past. No one does everything right. Whatever you did or didn’t do back then, your children need you at your best now.
Your children will be more resilient and self-confident when you can focus on the future, and let go of all the things you want to beat yourself up over. If you can treat yourself well, then someday your children will be able to expect good treatment from their relationships too.
Accept that you did the best you could. Think of yourself as being free from that negative situation now. And focus on living the example that will help your children move on, too.